So apparently the Baltimore Opera Company is going bankrupt. I discovered this only after I went to check out the Spring schedule on their website. All shows canceled, it said. How terribly sad I was.
What am I to do in a place that gradually offers less and less great artistic outings?
Not live in the city, for one. So I feel isolated. And less sad.
Still, I have already boycotted the Kennedy Center in DC, so where shall I go now?
This had made me feel out of joint. One of many things.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Bread Crumbs
I have been curled up under the blankets working on my poems all day long.
I spent who knows how long trying to think of something a vacuum cleaner would be useful in cleaning. All I have is "bread crumbs" and I don't want to use that.
Now I want a coke. But it is far too cold to think about leaving my nest of blankets. I fear the outside.
I spent who knows how long trying to think of something a vacuum cleaner would be useful in cleaning. All I have is "bread crumbs" and I don't want to use that.
Now I want a coke. But it is far too cold to think about leaving my nest of blankets. I fear the outside.
Friday, January 9, 2009
New Years Recap
I guess there's not a whole lot to report on New Years, but here goes. We went down to Dallas, TX to visit one of John's friends. Anyone who reads this should already know I was not super excited about this trip. I knew there would be video games and kids, neither of which I was keen on experiencing. But, here we were in Texas.
When we left St. Louis I was sick. So the first few days I slept a lot and didn't drink. It was pretty miserable. Of course all you want to do when you're sick is stay in bed and be alone. But I tried to be social and at least lie on the couch and watch movies with the group.
New Years we stayed in and drank wine and beer. Many rounds of guitar hero happened. I was just the groupie though. No video games for me. Even with all the wine. I probably shouldn't have drank as much as I did, as I was still sick. But it was good wine!
There was also a little baby to enjoy down in TX, so I was pretty happy with that. She's a year and a half and totally adorable. John may tell you differently, but he did play with her some.
Of course there ended up being a fine balance of video games and chill time, so I didn't have anything to complain about. I was surprisingly happy watching crappy movies and playing with the baby all week long. Sure, I would have liked to have seen more of Dallas while I was there, but I never did really feel up to it. That said, I always find something that upsets me.
As is often the case, it is people who assume they know more about my relationship than I do. I've come to expect that all of my friends know how I feel about John. They understand why we aren't engaged. (except one, who continues to ask but I've given up on explaining myself to her) But obviously all of his friends don't.
One of the first things I heard upon arriving in Texas was the usual "So, there's no ring on your finger, when are you going to stop living in sin." This continued throughout the week. Comments like "You wouldn't understand, you're not married" or "That won't last past the vows." My favorite was the conversation where we were told our relationship wasn't serious because I don't know John's ATM PIN number. Or his password for his computer games. Obviously not a committed relationship, right?
I can't begin to count how many times I wanted to hit people. I guess I can't complain that John doesn't just stand up for himself, since I haven't yet found a way to fully explain myself to my family. But in my case, I'm trying not to hurt old people stuck in their beliefs. I think to friends you can be blunt.
In my fever sleeps, I had a crazy dream where John got my a crystal (that's right, not diamond) engagement ring with snake heads on it. I blame all the crazy talk for this really weird dream.
So the saga of unwed John and Melissa continues.
When we left St. Louis I was sick. So the first few days I slept a lot and didn't drink. It was pretty miserable. Of course all you want to do when you're sick is stay in bed and be alone. But I tried to be social and at least lie on the couch and watch movies with the group.
New Years we stayed in and drank wine and beer. Many rounds of guitar hero happened. I was just the groupie though. No video games for me. Even with all the wine. I probably shouldn't have drank as much as I did, as I was still sick. But it was good wine!
There was also a little baby to enjoy down in TX, so I was pretty happy with that. She's a year and a half and totally adorable. John may tell you differently, but he did play with her some.
Of course there ended up being a fine balance of video games and chill time, so I didn't have anything to complain about. I was surprisingly happy watching crappy movies and playing with the baby all week long. Sure, I would have liked to have seen more of Dallas while I was there, but I never did really feel up to it. That said, I always find something that upsets me.
As is often the case, it is people who assume they know more about my relationship than I do. I've come to expect that all of my friends know how I feel about John. They understand why we aren't engaged. (except one, who continues to ask but I've given up on explaining myself to her) But obviously all of his friends don't.
One of the first things I heard upon arriving in Texas was the usual "So, there's no ring on your finger, when are you going to stop living in sin." This continued throughout the week. Comments like "You wouldn't understand, you're not married" or "That won't last past the vows." My favorite was the conversation where we were told our relationship wasn't serious because I don't know John's ATM PIN number. Or his password for his computer games. Obviously not a committed relationship, right?
I can't begin to count how many times I wanted to hit people. I guess I can't complain that John doesn't just stand up for himself, since I haven't yet found a way to fully explain myself to my family. But in my case, I'm trying not to hurt old people stuck in their beliefs. I think to friends you can be blunt.
In my fever sleeps, I had a crazy dream where John got my a crystal (that's right, not diamond) engagement ring with snake heads on it. I blame all the crazy talk for this really weird dream.
So the saga of unwed John and Melissa continues.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Boiling River
Two of my poems were published in the first issue of Boiling River, a new online literary journal. Go check it out!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Christmas Recap
Well we're back to Maryland and went back to work today. So I guess now's the time to fill everyone in on the happenings of the holidays.
First, complaints from the airline experiences:
My flight to STL took off an hour late. This was forgivable since they promptly informed me of the delay and the reasoning (bad weather in Chicago delayed my plane). However, after that communication fell apart. I did not even know my flight was boarding, at another gate mind you, until it had already started. Luckily I keep my eyes and ears opened and figured it out.
John's flight to STL took off 3-3.5 hours late. He was also poorly informed. I spent all night checking the status online so he wouldn't miss anything.
On our flight from Dallas back to Baltimore we had to change planes in Kansas City. Apparently that airport hasn't caught up with the rest of the world. We had to go through security again to get to the gate of our 2nd flight. It was insane. That was after being stuck on the plane waiting for an operator to come work the jetway and let us out.
Also, on our plane from Dallas to Kansas City the people in front of us were making out most of the flight. A man who has multiple kids, and a wife (though I could have misheard and it's actually an ex-wife) and a woman who said she had a girlfriend at some point in the conversation. It was gross.
Ok, now an extended family update:
Out of the two aunts with cats, one hates me one loves me, but I didn't see either. The aunt without cats was supposed to come over on Christmas and visit but never did. Who knows what became more important as she never called to say she wasn't coming.
My Grandparents on my mother's side are apparently no longer speaking to me. I got some lame secondhand excuse for why they didn't want to have Christmas dinner with us. I decided not to go over to their house on Christmas Eve because I can't be around my relatives who have cats. Most of my family can't, actually, so I didn't want to leave them home alone while I socialized. This apparently has caused unforgivable hurt to my grandparents, so I'm cut out.
I don't want to talk to my other Grandmother, though Matt and I did go out for coffee with her. We were supposed to have lunch but it snowed and no one wanted to drive in it. And we were busy so our rescheduling was just coffee. It was an okay visit. But this Grandmother seems to think it's ok to continue pestering me about when I am getting married. Even though I told her over the summer something along the lines of, we are happy as we are and may never get married. I don't think that translated properly into her brain. This time she said something like "So, is this any more serious then it was last time we spoke." Which, I guess the answer could have been yes, but really it's not. And what she was really asking was if I was engaged, or planning on being engaged. Mom said I should have responded with "Well, we're living together now so I guess that's more serious then you knew" but she is right that it would have given poor Grandma a heart attack.
So, it has become obvious this grandmother will never shut up on the matter. Thus, I have started to come up with clever reasons why John and I are not married. The truth is apparently too hard to comprehend. And I'm tired of trying to defend those opinions. Here's my favorite:
John's actually a woman so until gay marriage is legal or the sex change is complete, the law won't allow it.
Oh for another bad thing:
Mr. Lewis (step dad) decided it would be a good idea to take his children to his sister's house for Christmas dinner. This sister has cats. Two of these children are allergic to cats. Both were bothered but it didn't require an emergency room so he thinks this is ok. They came home and Mom, Evan, and I all had an allergic reaction. He claims to have washed their clothes, which can help a lot, but we were all still bothered. Most likely there's still cat hair all over his car so even though their clothes were clean when they left his house, they weren't by the time they made it back to our house. Evan and I recovered pretty quickly but Mom was bad. Luckily I didn't have to take her to the hospital, though it was a possibility. This did result in my speaking to Mr. Lewis on the phone. Which was really weird. I haven't seen/spoken to him since I moved to Baltimore. His response to my adamant suggestion that the kids not be around cats ever was "I guess I'll try." Note, I was trying to keep all of us away from a hospital and scold a grown man on his inappropriate behavior while fighting the airlines waiting for John's flight to leave. I was convinced he was going to get canceled, when I really needed him to calm me down after all the family drama.
Ok now to the good stuff:
As her present I took mom to a spa for a mani/pedi and massage. It was so fantastic! It made me realize I should get regular massages, for my back. So I'm looking into that. My nails, though the finger polish has chipped away, still look great. Of course Mom was thrilled as well.
The boys ended up having a great Christmas, despite financial hardships. I helped with that a bit, so it was really great knowing that they loved everything.
We did presents on Christmas Eve this year, to avoid stress Christmas morning. We had cheese fondue and some other finger foods for dinner then did presents. It was kind of weird and we need to work out our time line a little better (we were unwrapping gifts until like 1am!) but it was really great not having to wake up early on Christmas morning. We just went to mass, then the boys left for their fathers. The rest of the day Mom, Matt, and I just sat around drinking.
Our tree with presents
This past semester I wrote a poem about this family punch recipe we have. I was told awhile back that I couldn't have the recipe until I was married. Well we all know how I feel about that! Also, my mom was given the recipe but lost it. And Grandma's response when she asks for a new copy is always "I always gave it to you." Which shouldn't matter, but whatever. Mom of course always said she'd give it to me whenever she got it again, since she thinks the marriage rule is insane. So, it's been a bone of contention.
Anyway, Matt someone got my aunt to give him the recipe and made a batch as Mom's Christmas gift. It requires a lot of alcohol so it was quite a gift! Of course the three of us drank it all week long. So fantastic! Oh, and now mom has the recipe again, courtesy of Matt (who apparently doesn't have to be married!) so it is also now in my possession.
What else? Well John finally arrived on Friday night. We then stayed up until some ungodly hour talking and stuff. Saturday we chilled with the boys and then went out with Julie. Matt came along. Yay beer and friends/family! We did a late night White Castle run after the bar closed. Here some guy came in and said "I want 432 white castles!" Classic.
Sunday I woke up sick, from the cold I had been fighting all week. But we still went exploring. Lone Elk Park for some deer and buffalo watching. And then somewhere else where the boys fished a lot. This is also when John decided to race Evan and ended up on the ground with a scraped knee and elbow and a giant hole in his pants.
Mostly the break was a lot of just chilling, which was perfect. I didn't let myself get too stressed out about seeing everyone or doing everything. We stayed at home a lot and just drank wine and talked. Or I was playing with the kids. A lot of monopoly happened (as Connor now collects different versions of the game and has like 9). And we played Harry Potter Clue. Fun family time.
I guess that's enough for now. New Years recap later.
Oh, I also spent a lot of time playing with Rocky, the best dog ever! Here he is being his handsome self.
And here's Harrison's scary lizard, who used to be tiny and cute but is now big and creepy.
First, complaints from the airline experiences:
My flight to STL took off an hour late. This was forgivable since they promptly informed me of the delay and the reasoning (bad weather in Chicago delayed my plane). However, after that communication fell apart. I did not even know my flight was boarding, at another gate mind you, until it had already started. Luckily I keep my eyes and ears opened and figured it out.
John's flight to STL took off 3-3.5 hours late. He was also poorly informed. I spent all night checking the status online so he wouldn't miss anything.
On our flight from Dallas back to Baltimore we had to change planes in Kansas City. Apparently that airport hasn't caught up with the rest of the world. We had to go through security again to get to the gate of our 2nd flight. It was insane. That was after being stuck on the plane waiting for an operator to come work the jetway and let us out.
Also, on our plane from Dallas to Kansas City the people in front of us were making out most of the flight. A man who has multiple kids, and a wife (though I could have misheard and it's actually an ex-wife) and a woman who said she had a girlfriend at some point in the conversation. It was gross.
Ok, now an extended family update:
Out of the two aunts with cats, one hates me one loves me, but I didn't see either. The aunt without cats was supposed to come over on Christmas and visit but never did. Who knows what became more important as she never called to say she wasn't coming.
My Grandparents on my mother's side are apparently no longer speaking to me. I got some lame secondhand excuse for why they didn't want to have Christmas dinner with us. I decided not to go over to their house on Christmas Eve because I can't be around my relatives who have cats. Most of my family can't, actually, so I didn't want to leave them home alone while I socialized. This apparently has caused unforgivable hurt to my grandparents, so I'm cut out.
I don't want to talk to my other Grandmother, though Matt and I did go out for coffee with her. We were supposed to have lunch but it snowed and no one wanted to drive in it. And we were busy so our rescheduling was just coffee. It was an okay visit. But this Grandmother seems to think it's ok to continue pestering me about when I am getting married. Even though I told her over the summer something along the lines of, we are happy as we are and may never get married. I don't think that translated properly into her brain. This time she said something like "So, is this any more serious then it was last time we spoke." Which, I guess the answer could have been yes, but really it's not. And what she was really asking was if I was engaged, or planning on being engaged. Mom said I should have responded with "Well, we're living together now so I guess that's more serious then you knew" but she is right that it would have given poor Grandma a heart attack.
So, it has become obvious this grandmother will never shut up on the matter. Thus, I have started to come up with clever reasons why John and I are not married. The truth is apparently too hard to comprehend. And I'm tired of trying to defend those opinions. Here's my favorite:
John's actually a woman so until gay marriage is legal or the sex change is complete, the law won't allow it.
Oh for another bad thing:
Mr. Lewis (step dad) decided it would be a good idea to take his children to his sister's house for Christmas dinner. This sister has cats. Two of these children are allergic to cats. Both were bothered but it didn't require an emergency room so he thinks this is ok. They came home and Mom, Evan, and I all had an allergic reaction. He claims to have washed their clothes, which can help a lot, but we were all still bothered. Most likely there's still cat hair all over his car so even though their clothes were clean when they left his house, they weren't by the time they made it back to our house. Evan and I recovered pretty quickly but Mom was bad. Luckily I didn't have to take her to the hospital, though it was a possibility. This did result in my speaking to Mr. Lewis on the phone. Which was really weird. I haven't seen/spoken to him since I moved to Baltimore. His response to my adamant suggestion that the kids not be around cats ever was "I guess I'll try." Note, I was trying to keep all of us away from a hospital and scold a grown man on his inappropriate behavior while fighting the airlines waiting for John's flight to leave. I was convinced he was going to get canceled, when I really needed him to calm me down after all the family drama.
Ok now to the good stuff:
As her present I took mom to a spa for a mani/pedi and massage. It was so fantastic! It made me realize I should get regular massages, for my back. So I'm looking into that. My nails, though the finger polish has chipped away, still look great. Of course Mom was thrilled as well.
The boys ended up having a great Christmas, despite financial hardships. I helped with that a bit, so it was really great knowing that they loved everything.
We did presents on Christmas Eve this year, to avoid stress Christmas morning. We had cheese fondue and some other finger foods for dinner then did presents. It was kind of weird and we need to work out our time line a little better (we were unwrapping gifts until like 1am!) but it was really great not having to wake up early on Christmas morning. We just went to mass, then the boys left for their fathers. The rest of the day Mom, Matt, and I just sat around drinking.
Our tree with presents
This past semester I wrote a poem about this family punch recipe we have. I was told awhile back that I couldn't have the recipe until I was married. Well we all know how I feel about that! Also, my mom was given the recipe but lost it. And Grandma's response when she asks for a new copy is always "I always gave it to you." Which shouldn't matter, but whatever. Mom of course always said she'd give it to me whenever she got it again, since she thinks the marriage rule is insane. So, it's been a bone of contention.
Anyway, Matt someone got my aunt to give him the recipe and made a batch as Mom's Christmas gift. It requires a lot of alcohol so it was quite a gift! Of course the three of us drank it all week long. So fantastic! Oh, and now mom has the recipe again, courtesy of Matt (who apparently doesn't have to be married!) so it is also now in my possession.
What else? Well John finally arrived on Friday night. We then stayed up until some ungodly hour talking and stuff. Saturday we chilled with the boys and then went out with Julie. Matt came along. Yay beer and friends/family! We did a late night White Castle run after the bar closed. Here some guy came in and said "I want 432 white castles!" Classic.
Sunday I woke up sick, from the cold I had been fighting all week. But we still went exploring. Lone Elk Park for some deer and buffalo watching. And then somewhere else where the boys fished a lot. This is also when John decided to race Evan and ended up on the ground with a scraped knee and elbow and a giant hole in his pants.
Mostly the break was a lot of just chilling, which was perfect. I didn't let myself get too stressed out about seeing everyone or doing everything. We stayed at home a lot and just drank wine and talked. Or I was playing with the kids. A lot of monopoly happened (as Connor now collects different versions of the game and has like 9). And we played Harry Potter Clue. Fun family time.
I guess that's enough for now. New Years recap later.
Oh, I also spent a lot of time playing with Rocky, the best dog ever! Here he is being his handsome self.
And here's Harrison's scary lizard, who used to be tiny and cute but is now big and creepy.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Good 'ole St. Louis
Here I come!!
I'm off to Missouri for Christmas. It should be a crazy fun-filled week, as long as I avoid the family drama. I can't wait to just be able to chill with some wine in front of the Christmas tree. Not that I haven't been doing that all weekend here, but my family will join me now.
Then it's off to Texas to see John's friend for New Years.
Along for the ride is my entire book of poems! I have printed one copy to scribble all over during the next two weeks. Yay editing!
So if you don't hear from me, this is why.
Happy Holidays!
I'm off to Missouri for Christmas. It should be a crazy fun-filled week, as long as I avoid the family drama. I can't wait to just be able to chill with some wine in front of the Christmas tree. Not that I haven't been doing that all weekend here, but my family will join me now.
Then it's off to Texas to see John's friend for New Years.
Along for the ride is my entire book of poems! I have printed one copy to scribble all over during the next two weeks. Yay editing!
So if you don't hear from me, this is why.
Happy Holidays!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
I hate packing
Making sure things won't get broken in my suitcase. Some things just weren't meant to travel by plane.
Making sure I have clothes for all weather types- this trip could range from highs of 15 to highs of 75.
Making sure there are no knives in my carry-on.
Making sure I have printed and packed all itineraries and reservations.
Making sure I don't forget my toothbrush.
Reminding myself I am not going to the wilderness and can easily purchase anything I forget.
Making sure I have clothes for all weather types- this trip could range from highs of 15 to highs of 75.
Making sure there are no knives in my carry-on.
Making sure I have printed and packed all itineraries and reservations.
Making sure I don't forget my toothbrush.
Reminding myself I am not going to the wilderness and can easily purchase anything I forget.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Family Drama
My extended family has completely forgotten what it means to be a family. The would rather have cats than see their sister, niece, nephews. They would rather go out on dates then go to a birthday party. They would rather sit by a fire and sulk then eat Thanksgiving with each other.
And they still think it's ok to complain about family members not being present-when it's their own fault they can't be invited.
They are divorced multiple times. And they think it's ok to diminish my relationship just because I'm not married.
I just wrote a long letter to my family about these various issues.I don't think they will change at all, but at least it's been said. And I have stood up for myself.
I need to do the same to the other side of the family-that's only one person though-who is withholding a gift until I get married, and thinks my brothers are wild animals and therefore intolerable. But I won't do that because apparently, I still have some respect for my elders.
Even when they don't deserve it.
At least my immediate family is pumped about my homecoming.
And they still think it's ok to complain about family members not being present-when it's their own fault they can't be invited.
They are divorced multiple times. And they think it's ok to diminish my relationship just because I'm not married.
I just wrote a long letter to my family about these various issues.I don't think they will change at all, but at least it's been said. And I have stood up for myself.
I need to do the same to the other side of the family-that's only one person though-who is withholding a gift until I get married, and thinks my brothers are wild animals and therefore intolerable. But I won't do that because apparently, I still have some respect for my elders.
Even when they don't deserve it.
At least my immediate family is pumped about my homecoming.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
5 down, 1 to go!
Semesters that is. School is over for the semester which means I only have one more until I graduate. It is a good feeling.
Today I actually sat and stared at a book for 10 minutes, trying to figure out what else I was supposed to be doing. After 10 minutes I realized the answer was "nothing". Only then was I actually able to sit down and read the book for pleasure.
Then I got bored and started trying to organize my collection of poems into a somewhat meaningful order. I failed.
Today I actually sat and stared at a book for 10 minutes, trying to figure out what else I was supposed to be doing. After 10 minutes I realized the answer was "nothing". Only then was I actually able to sit down and read the book for pleasure.
Then I got bored and started trying to organize my collection of poems into a somewhat meaningful order. I failed.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Thanksgiving Recap
The best way to sum up my holiday is "I Love/Miss My Mom!"
Wednesday-I left work early, certain that I was getting sick. I didn't have any work to do, so I didn't feel guilty about cutting out. Came home and took some Vitamin C and a nap. Finished cleaning and stuff.
Thursday-I have no idea what I did all day. Went to John's grandparent's house. Had a little wine and a lot of food. I was too full for pie, which I now realize was a terrible excuse not to shove some in. Oh well. Learned some interesting news, which will not be revealed here until late January. Actually, I had first heard this news on Sunday, but turkey day made it quite real.
Friday-tried to do some homework in the morning barely got anything done, went grocery shopping, then it was to the airport. Mom arrived right on time. We had lunch, came home and chilled until John got home, then went out for dinner.
Saturday-drove to PA to see Brad and Jenny. It was a lovely drive. Mom got to see their house. We went to a bunch of cute shops. Also had a nice meal. I started to realize my social outings now are all pretty much just meals.
Sunday: Drove around in PA some more. Went for ice cream. Got stuck in both holiday and rainy traffic. Had a terrible headache, so I made John drive the second half of the trip. I think it took us twice as long to get home as it did to drive up. Boo to that!
Monday: Went to get a Christmas tree. Decorated while listening to Christmas music and drinking Bailey's Irish Cream. The bottle is nearly empty. Took Mom to the airport. Was very sad to see her go. Well, a few hours later, she was back. There were some issues with the plane, so the flight was delayed. Since that was going to make her miss her second flight, she just got a new schedule for this morning.
Tuesday: Woke up early to take Mom to the airport. Somehow managed to make it to work on time. So now it's back to the grind.
All-in-all, it was a great weekend. It made me completely geared up for Christmas. I am so ready to be home with my family. Unfortunately, I have somehow stop being so distracted by those thoughts so I can finish up the semester.
Wednesday-I left work early, certain that I was getting sick. I didn't have any work to do, so I didn't feel guilty about cutting out. Came home and took some Vitamin C and a nap. Finished cleaning and stuff.
Thursday-I have no idea what I did all day. Went to John's grandparent's house. Had a little wine and a lot of food. I was too full for pie, which I now realize was a terrible excuse not to shove some in. Oh well. Learned some interesting news, which will not be revealed here until late January. Actually, I had first heard this news on Sunday, but turkey day made it quite real.
Friday-tried to do some homework in the morning barely got anything done, went grocery shopping, then it was to the airport. Mom arrived right on time. We had lunch, came home and chilled until John got home, then went out for dinner.
Saturday-drove to PA to see Brad and Jenny. It was a lovely drive. Mom got to see their house. We went to a bunch of cute shops. Also had a nice meal. I started to realize my social outings now are all pretty much just meals.
Sunday: Drove around in PA some more. Went for ice cream. Got stuck in both holiday and rainy traffic. Had a terrible headache, so I made John drive the second half of the trip. I think it took us twice as long to get home as it did to drive up. Boo to that!
Monday: Went to get a Christmas tree. Decorated while listening to Christmas music and drinking Bailey's Irish Cream. The bottle is nearly empty. Took Mom to the airport. Was very sad to see her go. Well, a few hours later, she was back. There were some issues with the plane, so the flight was delayed. Since that was going to make her miss her second flight, she just got a new schedule for this morning.
Tuesday: Woke up early to take Mom to the airport. Somehow managed to make it to work on time. So now it's back to the grind.
All-in-all, it was a great weekend. It made me completely geared up for Christmas. I am so ready to be home with my family. Unfortunately, I have somehow stop being so distracted by those thoughts so I can finish up the semester.
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