In St. Louis

Nuns come to visit for conferences and read Harry Potter on the plane.

I sit on the front porch waiting for my brother to get home from school. He thought I was the scarecrow and jumped when I said hi.

I wore my "I love boys who recycle" t-shirt to bed:
Harrison: I recycle so you must love me.
Me: Of course I love you.
H: Does John recycle?
Me: All the time.
H: Then you must really love him.

I woke up around 3am to a golden retriever paw in my butt.

The 15 year old would rather have a dog in his bed than a girl. Hooray!

I spent this morning being really depressed. Imagine me + couch + dog + tears. Oh, and of course all sorts of depressing thoughts.

I found that walking the dog was really good therapy. Though, Rocky is not very good on a leash since usually the boys just run with him. So he was not pleased when I made him walk. And he was really confused when I did not take him to the park (it started raining).

My 11 year old brother is on the road to being a poet! "Your eyes are like sunflowers... behind prairie grass." I told him I was stealing that and would share the royalties.

Mourning

I'm officially going to St. Louis this weekend so I can curl up in a ball on my mom's couch and mourn. Will be there on Thursday, leaving early Tues morning.

I did not want to leave work in the hands of others, but this had to be done for my own sanity.

I also made an appointment with a therapist. I feel ridiculous doing that, but I didn't know how else to cope.

I currently:
can't focus on work
can barely keep food down
can't stop crying
keep worrying about everything

I know my sad blog posts are confusing to those that don't know what's going on. I promise a good post explaining everything one of these days. This is just something that can't be shared for all eyes yet, so I can't post it here.