Changes

A few weeks ago I was looking for a new job, but otherwise, no significant things were being altered in my life. I was dealing with a lot of problems, but thought I could deal with them.

Now I'm minus a boyfriend (who I still care for deeply) and I'm looking for a new place to live in addition to a new job. And those other issues, still there.

How did all of this happen?!

In many ways, this break up is like a divorce. Only John and I get to figure things out on our own instead of going to court. We still have things that we've accumulated together, we have a house full of stuff to divide, we are going from one rent to two, and though I had the job, he was sort of the breadwinner.

So where does a break up leave us? In a divorce everything would have been split and he would have paid me alimony. Instead we just have uncertainty. He is trying to do what's best for him (emotionally and financially) and I'm just left holding onto broken pieces of my life.

The Winner Takes It All

In an attempt to feel better on my way home today, I put in Mama Mia. Well, that worked for a little bit. Then, this song came on. It has always made me cry and now it's even worse. But, at the same time, it felt really good to get it all out. I was given permission to let myself feel everything. I am not supposed to beat myself up for feeling depressed. So I cranked up the song and played it like 3 times. And as much as it depressed me, I felt so much better afterwards.

Then, everything was getting to me. There are a lot of lines in Mama Mia that really speak to me right now. It was kind of scary. I won't make the list now. You should just go watch it/listen to it.

And um, I have always had this crazy obsession with Meryl Streep. In my head, she's the perfect older sister or crazy aunt or something. I think she should probably come to my house and whip me back into shape.

Anyway.... love this song!

Melissa Rocks

I am supposed to make a list of reasons why I rock, as therapy. Apparently reminding yourself why you're awesome will help you move on after a break up. If it weren't for the fact that I never forgot these things while I was in a relationship, I might believe it. But, I'm willing to try anything.

Melissa rocks because:
~She is amazingly skilled with babies (and kids in general).
~She is a fantastic writer.
~She lived alone in the city of Baltimore for 1 year and did not get killed.
~She is the best sister you could ask for (um, the brothers had better agree).
~She makes many great food things including gooey butter cake, apple pie, and cheese manicotti.
~She is pretty 'cute' (felt weird saying hot...)
~She is highly educated.
~She writes/edits things so that others can learn.
~She can make chocolate cake shots.
~She has climbed a mountain.
~She can grow her own food (to a certain extent).
~She recycles.
~She can quote many scenes from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman (this might just mean I'm a dork...)
~She knows just about all the words to Les Miserables, Phantom, and Rent.
~She bought her own car.
~She can build a campfire.
~She is a great listener.
~She is not afraid of power tools.


Feel free to boost my ego in comments!