Crickets: Size 12 Font

It is my attempt this weekend to write some poetry that is neither depressing nor sappy. When I brought my collection thus far to class, I realized that a lot of my poetry is a little too much on the dark side. Now, this is necessary because of the topic of my book. But I feel like I need to write some more positive poems. Both for my own sanity and to balance out the book.

So here's one I actually wrote as a joke with John one night last year. I fixed it up a little bit. I don't know yet if I want to take it to class. It was meant to be a bit of a joke, after all, between me and John. So I don't know if it will have the desired effect outside of this computer room.


Crickets: Size 12 Font

There are nights we do nothing but sit
and listen to the crickets living above
the garage door—their songs a stone pit.
There are nights we do nothing but sit
and wait for Hit me with some Hot
Hot Joey Love to echo through the walls
There are nights we do nothing but sit
and listen to the crickets living above.

Wedding Dream

I had a dream last night that John and I were getting married. You would think this was a sign we should get married, or we're seriously discussing it (we're not). Based on what happened though, it seems like we should probably just elope, if anything. For now, I will take this as a sign that we should continue as we are.

A few odd things:
~I was wearing a purple dress and jeans with a really long white veil.
~My older brother Brad was stuck in a flood, so he couldn't give me away. Since Matt was a groomsmen, Evan, Connor, and Harrison were all slated to walk me down the isle. This took a 20 minute practice session to coordinate.
~Kat was in living in Israel and they had grounded all flights out of there due to civil war so she couldn't be there.
~Julie had been arrested for starting/participating in some kind of political riot. (McCain was President, so that could be the cause of that)
~Since Julie and Kat were MIA, I had no bridesmaids! And I apparently didn't have any other friends I could ask, and I don't know where Jenny was (with Brad in the flood I guess) so I had the wife of John's friend as my only bridesmaid. My feelings towards this person make it a really odd situation.
~My doctor was going to perform the ceremony.

Well, we didn't actually get married in the dream. Once everything was sorted out and ready to go, no one would sit down! I mean, seriously we were all outside but no one would enter the ceremony area and take a seat. So I'm sunning around telling everyone to sit down or I'll kick their butts. And people just keep talking. It was a very angry dream after that. And I woke up without anyone every listening to me.

Later in the night, I had a dream that John and I were trying to string belts together so we could climb out the window of the hotel before my family found out which room we were in and ruined the honeymoon.

Some of My Best Friends

School has hit full force and is probably going to kill before the end of the semester. So, I don't have a lot to say at the moment.

But! An old professor, Joe Benevento has a new book out. Joe was one of my favorite professors as an undergrad. How can you not love someone who wrote music to go with Whitman's "Song of Myself"? And then he sang part of it in class! Unbeatable.

Check out Some of My Best Friends and Other Fictions now.

Brother Time

This weekend John and I went up to Philadelphia to visit my brother and sister-in-law. It's only about a 2 and a half hour trip, which is really nice. Of course, we were in the middle of a tropical storm on Saturday, so it was a very wet trip. But the winds behaved themselves so we didn't have to cancel.

Saturday was nice. We got to see the new house and had a very nice dinner there. But as it didn't stop raining until late, we were damp almost all day. Totally worth it though.

Sunday the weather was much improved. We went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. Turns out our waiter is from St. Louis. One of the many in the family that owns Collier Funeral Homes. So he knew exactly where Brad and I grew up. Very strange.

We then went to Winterthur-this really huge house and garden estate. If you're ever up in the area, you should go. The gardens were not as impressive as they could have been, since most things bloom in Spring, but there was still a lot of greatness to explore. And the house was full of really old beautiful furniture.

Here are some highlights:

One week down

a lot more to go. But I survived the first week! And I'm getting back into the school spirit.

Wednesday is my super long day. I go to work at 8 then to class until 10:45. Both classes started out good last night but the second half seemed pointless. I have Typography firt, which should end up being ok eventually. But I can only learn so much about type. And I'm a little concerned about actually "designing" something with type because I have no idea what I'm doing. Second on Weds is Sem in Lit and Writing, where I will read a lot of stuff like Hemingway and Plath. Then, we talk about reading as a writer. It will be great, as I like literature and I like to write. Plus Steve (my professor) is amazing.

Thurs is my Advanced Creative Writing Workshop where I get to gather all my poems together, and write some new poems, so that I have my finished manuscript before going into the Spring semester. This class will be the best, mainly because it's actually what I feel like I should be doing at this point. Also because I get to hang with the poets, and don't have to read hundreds of pages of prose like the fiction/nonfiction people do.

More on cysts/school

I know, you're probably all very tired of hearing me talk about cysts. It was just one little (or in this case abnormally large) cyst...shouldn't cause this much trouble. But really, it is the only thing I have to talk about.

I saw my doctor today, finally. The good news is, I don't have any other cysts that look problematic. There are a few normal follicles, but nothing that concerned her. There's also still some fluid hanging out waiting to be absorbed. Which explains why I get aches sometimes still. So yay, nothing indicating serious issues!

The bad news (?...maybe it's just "other news") is I'm still young, so this could actually be the beginning of a problem, we just won't know it until I'm older. Also, my hormones are out of wack still. (but that should go away)

The plan is BC (to regulate hormones and prevent cysts) which I hate because of my horrible side effects last time. But we're trying a new kind, which will hopefully not be so nasty. If it is, we just keep trying new stuff until it works and doesn't cause annoying side effects. This could be a long process of not so happy times.

And school starts tomorrow. I really feel like I should be more excited. I just feel like this semester is getting through these 3 required classes that I don't feel thrilled about. Well, workshop will be good, it's the other two that are just blah. But I have to take them. I really just want to fast forward and have it be spring semester which means exciting final book making class, and the end of grad school! That I'm excited about (both the class and the end). Maybe I'll feel better after I actually go to my classes and get setteled. We''ll see. I am certainly not looking forward to my super long, work + 2 classes on Wednesdays. I won't get home until 11:30ish!

Ok, that is all.

PS: If you were wondering just how wild my hormones are, here's an example. John went to buy rope for a clothesline and brought me home a brownie (because he knew I wanted chocolate, to attempt to feel better). Anyway, he comes home, gives me this brownie, and I burst into tears. Happy, I'm so glad he cares, tears, but tears.

Imagine what I'll be like when I have kids!

School Already?!

I cannot believe school is starting next week! Before the Outer Banks trip, I was completely ready to go back. I was going to have my one final awesome vacation, then get back into the groove this week, get all my stuff ready, and be set to go. But this whole cyst thing has really messed everything up. I didn't really get my nice vacation and this week has been a roller coaster so I really haven't done the preparing I needed to do. Though, I did manage to pay all my bills today!

I just feel like this whole summer was not easy to get through. June I spent decompressing after a really long and busy semester. After Colorado I was revived and ready to go. But then I had my back problems start up, as well as everything with Mom. And many divorce things plus a sick grandmother. Then August came around and I really felt like I was becoming myself again. We were really busy though, so it was all kind of a blur. Then this happened. Plus my aunt just had another preemie. The summer was just a whirlwind, in so many ways.

It's a long weekend though. We don't have any plans, but I am determined to have at least some fun. It may take some doing to keep my stomach calm, my back from aching, and my mood in check, but it must be done.

The Hospital Story

Ok, here it is for people who don't already know.

The vacation was going great. We went to the beach on Monday and the waves were really small. Which meant I actually spent a good deal of time in the water. Waves + Messa usually = badness. So I try not to really swim in the ocean much. So Monday was great. Tuesday we played putt-putt and I actually didn't do too bad. This was surprising. We also went out to dinner and did some other random driving around/seeing things. And of course there was some beer and Wii.

Well Wednesday it was cloudy but not raining so we went back to the beach. No one got in the water as it was way too cold (John at least tested it for us). So everyone was just lounging. We brought the grill, so we made some burgers. Well, I wasn't feeling very well. But it was just kind of icky and I thought I had pulled a muscle or something. Then my back starting hurting. But I still ate and stuff so I figured it was nothing bad.

By 7:00 we were home, I had taken a nap, and I couldn't move. I called Mom in tears and she said to go to the ER. Well, I was really stubborn and still thought I had just slept funny or pulled something. Since everything, back and abdomen, hurt, I didn't think it was my appendix or anything. That would have been more localized.

John came down at 11 and I was still trying to sleep. I must have dozed off a bit because I woke up at midnight with a high fever, vomiting, and almost passed out a few times. Of course as soon as he could get me out the door, John was taking me to the emergency room.

But we didn't know where the hospital was. Yay GPS! Well, the ER was not really fun. I had blood work and stuff. And they did get me started on pain meds asap, but I was still sick to my stomach and the meds only did so much. And I didn't sleep at first because I had to go get a CT scan. Had to wait 90 minutes after I drank the contrast for that. Then I was so worried about having to have surgery that I couldn't sleep while waiting on the doctor to read the scan.

Turns out I had a cyst on my ovary that ruptured. I was sent home with a lot of pain meds and told to rest. Which I did.

The rest of my trip was pretty much spent in bed. I did venture out to the beach on Friday. John had to help me walk and all I did was sit in a chair. Pain meds were needed so I was sleepy the entire time. And Sunday we wandered around some but I had to walk really slow and rest a lot and take pills. It took a lot out of me.

I'm doing pretty good now. The pain is almost all gone. I'm still really weak but I think that's going away. I'm kind of insane though. I'll start crying for no reason and I'm having hot flashes. Stupid hormones! I really thought I had a fever before, but no...I'm just out of control. It's not fun. And I actually had the on-call doctor tell me I'm just depressed and should see a shrink. Um, or I have a hormone imbalance that caused an abnormal cyst and is now causing PMS systems times 100. Whatever doctor lady.

I see my doctor on Tues of next week. We'll probably go back to birth control and try to not have this happen again. Of course, my family has a history of not so fun cysts. My aunt had them for years-really painful ones, and my other aunt had some condition that can cause infertility, and my great-grandmother had ovarian cancers...so here's to hoping this was just a fluke and doesn't become a chronic problem.

Outer Banks Hospital

I'm tired and need to go lie down with more pain killers, so for now this is all you get about my vacation:

Although the Outer Banks Hospital is very nice, I don't really want to go back there.

While lying on the beach high on pain killers is an experience, I'd much rather not be on pain killers and have the strength to get in the water.

On our way to North Carolina!

Tonight-Jared and Shelly's wedding.

Tomorrow-finish packing, Seismic BBQ, down to John's parents to pick up the truck

Sunday-up early to meet the rest of the crew

Then it's off to the Outer Banks, NC for the week. Hooray for the beach!