Currently worried about:
-my mom's health
-my little brothers in general
-that a certain judge will continue to make horrible decisions
-that I will one day be brought up on assault charges because I hired someone to beat the living hell out of a certain person
I could seriously throw up right now I'm so upset
This feels like a good time to revisit this poem:
Old Spice and Kitchen Knives
Some days I sit, one finger between
my teeth, imagining how easy
it would be, holding the cold
blade of a kitchen knife against
your throat. Listening to pleas fighting
past shallow breath, dim
words echoing in the air until
I push harder, deeper, then cut.
Other days I sit, one finger
between my teeth, imagining how hopeless
it would be to forget. You holding me
on your shoulders at my first
concert, your hands over my ears,
muffling fireworks, the smell
of Old Spice deodorant, how I used to dab
it under my nose to remember your scent,
that you were by my side as the anesthesia
forced me to sleep, as it wore off after
surgery. Though I try, it is hopeless to forget
building the sand box in the backyard,
hammering hand over hand or the hours
we spent in the kitchen frying
chicken, stirring homemade gravy.
Some days I sit, one finger between
my teeth, knowing it is impossible.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
More on flying
Here's another reason why people shouldn't fly. Delays!
Of course I hear about this as I'm pondering how to make a quick trip back to St. Louis. Blah!
Of course I hear about this as I'm pondering how to make a quick trip back to St. Louis. Blah!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
I hate to fly
I guess it's good that I've had this vacation tow rite about, because otherwise my blog would be really boring. There's just nothing else I feel like saying. Maybe that will pick up.
Anyway, this is the story of our return trip from Denver to Baltimore.
We left the cabin pretty early, because I wasn't sure what kind of Denver work-week traffic we would hit. Turns out, none. So we got to the airport about an hour before we needed to. We dealt with a nasty woman at the counter where we were checking our bags. She got all snippy because we were asking about our bottle of mead. And when I said I wanted to put it in my bag, which she had put on the belt already, she said it wouldn't matter. She was just annoying.
She was also the woman trying to convince a man from Nigeria that it was no big deal that they now charge for checked bags. Which is why we had to wait so long just to get our two bags checked. She took forever with him.
We ate some food and tried to kill time. There was a lot of sitting and Soduku. Then it was time to board, yay! If you haven't flown in awhile, they call boarding groups. We were group 3. So we sat patiently and waited for them to call group 3. They did, we got in line. The line kind of curved into a candy cane shape. Well, when they called group 4, these 2 group 4 people decided to get in line in front of me rather than go to the end of the candy cane. They just kind of tried to meld into the line. I was not pleased. John just let them go in front of him, but I stayed in my spot and forced them behind me. But the entire time we were going to the plane they kept trying to get in front of me. SO finally I just let them, so I was in line with John again. Note, one of these people was foreign and turns out she was totally clueless about everything. But I still don't forgive her.
We had a short layover in Dallas, which is a horrible place to be. But we were only supposed to be there about 30 minutes, once we got to our new gate, before boarding. So we sit down, John goes to get a snack. Then they changed our gate. Luckily it was nearby so we didn't have to rush to it. But still, kind of annoying. And apparently they change gates a lot in Dallas because we heard like 4 other gates changes just while we were waiting to board.
At our new gate we sat down to have our snack. But, we couldn't get the bottle of tea opening. I don't know if it was super glued shut or what. That bottle never opened. Then, we were told we would be boarding late. Our plane had just come in from Mexico and had to go through detox. There is apparently a whole thing with international flights that takes longer to transition. I guess it's too much to expect that they leave enough time for that if they know a plane is coming from outside the country.
Then the window screen wouldn't go down on our plane.
But yay, our bottle of mead didn't break!
That's really it. I was just in a bad mood that day so it all seemed so much worse. I really was ready to flip out. A few times. I am glad to not have to fly for awhile.
Anyway, this is the story of our return trip from Denver to Baltimore.
We left the cabin pretty early, because I wasn't sure what kind of Denver work-week traffic we would hit. Turns out, none. So we got to the airport about an hour before we needed to. We dealt with a nasty woman at the counter where we were checking our bags. She got all snippy because we were asking about our bottle of mead. And when I said I wanted to put it in my bag, which she had put on the belt already, she said it wouldn't matter. She was just annoying.
She was also the woman trying to convince a man from Nigeria that it was no big deal that they now charge for checked bags. Which is why we had to wait so long just to get our two bags checked. She took forever with him.
We ate some food and tried to kill time. There was a lot of sitting and Soduku. Then it was time to board, yay! If you haven't flown in awhile, they call boarding groups. We were group 3. So we sat patiently and waited for them to call group 3. They did, we got in line. The line kind of curved into a candy cane shape. Well, when they called group 4, these 2 group 4 people decided to get in line in front of me rather than go to the end of the candy cane. They just kind of tried to meld into the line. I was not pleased. John just let them go in front of him, but I stayed in my spot and forced them behind me. But the entire time we were going to the plane they kept trying to get in front of me. SO finally I just let them, so I was in line with John again. Note, one of these people was foreign and turns out she was totally clueless about everything. But I still don't forgive her.
We had a short layover in Dallas, which is a horrible place to be. But we were only supposed to be there about 30 minutes, once we got to our new gate, before boarding. So we sit down, John goes to get a snack. Then they changed our gate. Luckily it was nearby so we didn't have to rush to it. But still, kind of annoying. And apparently they change gates a lot in Dallas because we heard like 4 other gates changes just while we were waiting to board.
At our new gate we sat down to have our snack. But, we couldn't get the bottle of tea opening. I don't know if it was super glued shut or what. That bottle never opened. Then, we were told we would be boarding late. Our plane had just come in from Mexico and had to go through detox. There is apparently a whole thing with international flights that takes longer to transition. I guess it's too much to expect that they leave enough time for that if they know a plane is coming from outside the country.
Then the window screen wouldn't go down on our plane.
But yay, our bottle of mead didn't break!
That's really it. I was just in a bad mood that day so it all seemed so much worse. I really was ready to flip out. A few times. I am glad to not have to fly for awhile.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Bear Lake and Alberta Falls
The trip diary is almost over :(
One of the best hikes we did was around Bear Lake and then to Alberta Falls. We decided to start with the Bear Lake trail because it was shorter and not hard. When I was in CO before, the trail was closed due to snow. So it was really awesome actually being able to walk around the lake.
The trail is pretty flat and there's always something to see. The lake is pretty high up so you're close to peaks. There were still piles of snow along the sides of the trail, melt made it kind of swampy at some points. We also came across a tin stream that went from the woods to the lake. This was where we got proof that there are actually trout in Colorado. (We'd had our doubts after little luck fishing)
After that hike, we were going to take the shuttle down the mountain a bit and go to a new trailhead for the hike to Alberta Falls. But, we discovered that we could take a trail to the new trail. So we did that trail down the mountain then hiked up another mountain to Alberta Falls.
This is actually a pretty short trail. We got really hot because of the afternoon temp and the slight incline, but it wasn't bad. I did almost hit a man and his children who didn't understand that if you're going to walk at a snails pace you should move over and let people pass you.
Anyway, through the woods we went and then up to the falls: which were amazing! We went off the trail a bit and moved further up to the top of the falls.
The last day of our trip was pretty uneventful. We went into Estes Park to do some souvenir shopping. Then, we went to RMNP for some final hiking. But, it had been cloudy all morning and mother nature didn't want us to hike. We went to the gold river to look for a few more rocks but it started raining so we went back to the car and then back to the cabin. This was especially disappointing because we were going to take one nice picture of us in front of a mountain, but never got the chance.
The day was pretty cloudy and rainy so we didn't do much besides sit in the cabin and read. It did clear up in the later afternoon so we did some fishing and hammocking. But we spent the later evening cleaning up the cabin.
And that was pretty much the end. It was a completely amazing trip. It will be nice when I can afford to go every summer. If that ever happens.
I will post once more on my homeward travels, because it was just crazy. But that's all the fun exciting stuff. Yay Colorado!
One of the best hikes we did was around Bear Lake and then to Alberta Falls. We decided to start with the Bear Lake trail because it was shorter and not hard. When I was in CO before, the trail was closed due to snow. So it was really awesome actually being able to walk around the lake.
The trail is pretty flat and there's always something to see. The lake is pretty high up so you're close to peaks. There were still piles of snow along the sides of the trail, melt made it kind of swampy at some points. We also came across a tin stream that went from the woods to the lake. This was where we got proof that there are actually trout in Colorado. (We'd had our doubts after little luck fishing)
After that hike, we were going to take the shuttle down the mountain a bit and go to a new trailhead for the hike to Alberta Falls. But, we discovered that we could take a trail to the new trail. So we did that trail down the mountain then hiked up another mountain to Alberta Falls.
This is actually a pretty short trail. We got really hot because of the afternoon temp and the slight incline, but it wasn't bad. I did almost hit a man and his children who didn't understand that if you're going to walk at a snails pace you should move over and let people pass you.
Anyway, through the woods we went and then up to the falls: which were amazing! We went off the trail a bit and moved further up to the top of the falls.
The last day of our trip was pretty uneventful. We went into Estes Park to do some souvenir shopping. Then, we went to RMNP for some final hiking. But, it had been cloudy all morning and mother nature didn't want us to hike. We went to the gold river to look for a few more rocks but it started raining so we went back to the car and then back to the cabin. This was especially disappointing because we were going to take one nice picture of us in front of a mountain, but never got the chance.
The day was pretty cloudy and rainy so we didn't do much besides sit in the cabin and read. It did clear up in the later afternoon so we did some fishing and hammocking. But we spent the later evening cleaning up the cabin.
And that was pretty much the end. It was a completely amazing trip. It will be nice when I can afford to go every summer. If that ever happens.
I will post once more on my homeward travels, because it was just crazy. But that's all the fun exciting stuff. Yay Colorado!
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
White Water Rafting
I have no proof that John and I went white water rafting while we were in Colorado. That's mostly because I left my water-proof camera in the car. I wouldn't really have had any chances to take any pictures anyway, but still. I probably could have gotten one with it. Oh well, we still went. You'll have to take my word on it.
And now I'm ready to go again. Really, the time goes by so fast because it's freaking awesome. So the trip was over long before I was ready to be off the water. Now, we did do a really easy trip and our guide did a lot of the work, so next time it might not be so leisurely. But I am certain that it will be awesome.
On this trip we rafted the Poudre River. We did one part and then got out to avoid some Class IV rapids, drove a ways down, and got back in again. There were two good rapids that could have easily bounced me out of the boat. Luckily our guide gave me good warning so I just leaned in and avoided joining the fishes.
John was a the front of the boat so he got hit quite a lot by the water. I hid in the very back but still got soaked. I just didn't have to paddle as much. hehe. The water felt great though, because it was like 85/90 degrees that afternoon. It probably wouldn't have felt as nice falling in, as it was pretty cold, but splashes were great. I highly recommend people raft.
And now I'm ready to go again. Really, the time goes by so fast because it's freaking awesome. So the trip was over long before I was ready to be off the water. Now, we did do a really easy trip and our guide did a lot of the work, so next time it might not be so leisurely. But I am certain that it will be awesome.
On this trip we rafted the Poudre River. We did one part and then got out to avoid some Class IV rapids, drove a ways down, and got back in again. There were two good rapids that could have easily bounced me out of the boat. Luckily our guide gave me good warning so I just leaned in and avoided joining the fishes.
John was a the front of the boat so he got hit quite a lot by the water. I hid in the very back but still got soaked. I just didn't have to paddle as much. hehe. The water felt great though, because it was like 85/90 degrees that afternoon. It probably wouldn't have felt as nice falling in, as it was pretty cold, but splashes were great. I highly recommend people raft.
Bad Karama
Dear Powers That Be,
I realize that yesterday I wasn't very nice for a few hours. I was all uncaring about my grandmother. And glad my step-dad had a family crisis to deal with. I wasn't really myself in all this negativity. You should know this.
I realize that you wanted me to stop having all these negative thoughts towards the people who were once my family. I get it.
That's no reason to send my mom to the hospital! I've learned my lesson. You can make her better now.
Thanks,
Melissa
I realize that yesterday I wasn't very nice for a few hours. I was all uncaring about my grandmother. And glad my step-dad had a family crisis to deal with. I wasn't really myself in all this negativity. You should know this.
I realize that you wanted me to stop having all these negative thoughts towards the people who were once my family. I get it.
That's no reason to send my mom to the hospital! I've learned my lesson. You can make her better now.
Thanks,
Melissa
Monday, July 7, 2008
Grandma's Stroke
So, apparently my Grandmother had a stroke. I have zero information other than that. She could be dead and I wouldn't know. That small amount of info came via my mom who got it from my little brothers. So she probably doesn't know much else either.
I should probably care more than I do right now. I mean, she was an ok grandmother once. Always remembered my birthday, which is a plus in my family. And she turned me on to strawberries on vanilla ice cream. Which is nice, considering I don't really like vanilla ice cream.
But, ever since Mom and Dad split up, she's pretended I don't exist. Which I'll never understand. Sure, we aren't blood related (this is actually my step dad's mom) but still, she's been around since I was 7. I would think it'd be hard to be a grandmother for so many years and then just stop. The family is pretty nuts-o though, so she probably can't figure out how she could/should acknowledge me as her granddaughter if her son doesn't treat me like his daughter anymore.
So yeah, I'm a little sad. I get sad if I hear a stranger had a stroke. It sucks. And I tend to have a heart so I sympathize. But that's just it, I sympathize as if she were a stranger instead of my grandmother. And that sucks.
And as for my Dad, I would like to feel bad for him. His mother is sick. But I don't.
This will probably end up a poem... whoever said I should write a book about my family relationships didn't know what they were asking for.
I should probably care more than I do right now. I mean, she was an ok grandmother once. Always remembered my birthday, which is a plus in my family. And she turned me on to strawberries on vanilla ice cream. Which is nice, considering I don't really like vanilla ice cream.
But, ever since Mom and Dad split up, she's pretended I don't exist. Which I'll never understand. Sure, we aren't blood related (this is actually my step dad's mom) but still, she's been around since I was 7. I would think it'd be hard to be a grandmother for so many years and then just stop. The family is pretty nuts-o though, so she probably can't figure out how she could/should acknowledge me as her granddaughter if her son doesn't treat me like his daughter anymore.
So yeah, I'm a little sad. I get sad if I hear a stranger had a stroke. It sucks. And I tend to have a heart so I sympathize. But that's just it, I sympathize as if she were a stranger instead of my grandmother. And that sucks.
And as for my Dad, I would like to feel bad for him. His mother is sick. But I don't.
This will probably end up a poem... whoever said I should write a book about my family relationships didn't know what they were asking for.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
All I need is Tea and Mead
Saturday John and I drove down the mountain to Boulder to spend the day with my friend Stacy. We wandered around Pearl Street for awhile, just looking around at the stores and stuff. We were really just killing time until Stacy and her boyfriend showed up. But I showed John all kinds of fun things from the summer I lived there-my old office, the bookstore, where we watched Catch and Release being filmed, where there was a man in a wold costume dancing on the corner. It was really great remembering. But I also remembered that I never want to live there again because it can be really crowded. I need to be up in the mountains.
Stacy and Richard arrived and we waited around for a table at Lucille's. I don't know how many people told me I had to eat there, but it was at least 5. I never did, because the wait is usually 30 mins to an hour. But now I have! And it was as amazing as everyone says. So if you're in Boulder, go to Lucille's. Just get there an hour before you're going to be ready to eat.
After lunch, we wandered around Boulder some more. Saw the creek and just talked. Then we went to the Celestial Seasonings factory. Yet another place that I never went to when I was there. And Stacy, who lived there for years, hadn't been yet. The factory wasn't running since it was the weekend, but we still got free tea and a tour. It was pretty great. CS is the greatest tea ever!
Next was a short trip over to Redstone Meadery. Stacy's boyfriend knew of this super hidden place and it turned out to be amazing. We got to taste almost all of the mead they make there, most of which were great. And then we bought some of our own. It's really hard to find good mead, I've found, so this discovery made me very very happy.
That left us at a drive back up the mountain, and a lazy evening by the river.
Stacy and Richard arrived and we waited around for a table at Lucille's. I don't know how many people told me I had to eat there, but it was at least 5. I never did, because the wait is usually 30 mins to an hour. But now I have! And it was as amazing as everyone says. So if you're in Boulder, go to Lucille's. Just get there an hour before you're going to be ready to eat.
After lunch, we wandered around Boulder some more. Saw the creek and just talked. Then we went to the Celestial Seasonings factory. Yet another place that I never went to when I was there. And Stacy, who lived there for years, hadn't been yet. The factory wasn't running since it was the weekend, but we still got free tea and a tour. It was pretty great. CS is the greatest tea ever!
Next was a short trip over to Redstone Meadery. Stacy's boyfriend knew of this super hidden place and it turned out to be amazing. We got to taste almost all of the mead they make there, most of which were great. And then we bought some of our own. It's really hard to find good mead, I've found, so this discovery made me very very happy.
That left us at a drive back up the mountain, and a lazy evening by the river.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Trek to John's Hill
The vacation does get better! After the disaster of day 1, John and I both woke up refreshed and ready to have fun. We went grocery shopping and settled into the house. Then we explored the National Park. Didn't do a lot that first night. Drove up the east side of the park. We stopped and took some pictures before it started raining. Then decided to drive back down instead of going to the Alpine Summit. We did walk around Sprague Lake, where my brothers loved to fish, but don't have any pictures because my freaking camera broke! Luckily John had his so I didn't go without a camera for the rest of the trip, but mine is very dead. I think it got old.
That night we also found gold in the river! We saw all these sparkles so John jumped in and started pulling out rocks. They aren't big pieces of gold, and they could be fools gold, but still we have a lot of rocks with gold flakes in them!
So the next day, we went back to the river and looked around some more. While we ate in the valley John saw a hill he wanted to climb. Only problem was it was on the other side of the river. Now, this is probably more of a stream than a river, but it was deep enough I couldn't just hike across it. So we walked up and down the river trying to find a place to cross. We failed.
The hill we were trying to get to:
So we drove a ways down and decided to just start walking along the river, towards the hill, until we found a place to cross. We eventually did and it felt so so nice to be in the cold water. Then we just had a long walk (1-2 miles?) across the plains. But we made it to the hill, climbed up all the rocks, and then had an amazing view! We decided that we were the first to conqueror the hill, so we named it John's Hill.
On the way back, we took a slightly different route, followed the river more closely rather than walk across the grass. We found bones! Seriously, we're just trekking along and then there's bones at our feet. We're pretty sure they were elk, as that's pretty much the animal (besides prairie dogs) that wander around that area, plus one of the bones still had fur on it. It was pretty crazy stuff.
That night we also found gold in the river! We saw all these sparkles so John jumped in and started pulling out rocks. They aren't big pieces of gold, and they could be fools gold, but still we have a lot of rocks with gold flakes in them!
So the next day, we went back to the river and looked around some more. While we ate in the valley John saw a hill he wanted to climb. Only problem was it was on the other side of the river. Now, this is probably more of a stream than a river, but it was deep enough I couldn't just hike across it. So we walked up and down the river trying to find a place to cross. We failed.
The hill we were trying to get to:
So we drove a ways down and decided to just start walking along the river, towards the hill, until we found a place to cross. We eventually did and it felt so so nice to be in the cold water. Then we just had a long walk (1-2 miles?) across the plains. But we made it to the hill, climbed up all the rocks, and then had an amazing view! We decided that we were the first to conqueror the hill, so we named it John's Hill.
On the way back, we took a slightly different route, followed the river more closely rather than walk across the grass. We found bones! Seriously, we're just trekking along and then there's bones at our feet. We're pretty sure they were elk, as that's pretty much the animal (besides prairie dogs) that wander around that area, plus one of the bones still had fur on it. It was pretty crazy stuff.
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