I know, you're probably all very tired of hearing me talk about cysts. It was just one little (or in this case abnormally large) cyst...shouldn't cause this much trouble. But really, it is the only thing I have to talk about.
I saw my doctor today, finally. The good news is, I don't have any other cysts that look problematic. There are a few normal follicles, but nothing that concerned her. There's also still some fluid hanging out waiting to be absorbed. Which explains why I get aches sometimes still. So yay, nothing indicating serious issues!
The bad news (?...maybe it's just "other news") is I'm still young, so this could actually be the beginning of a problem, we just won't know it until I'm older. Also, my hormones are out of wack still. (but that should go away)
The plan is BC (to regulate hormones and prevent cysts) which I hate because of my horrible side effects last time. But we're trying a new kind, which will hopefully not be so nasty. If it is, we just keep trying new stuff until it works and doesn't cause annoying side effects. This could be a long process of not so happy times.
And school starts tomorrow. I really feel like I should be more excited. I just feel like this semester is getting through these 3 required classes that I don't feel thrilled about. Well, workshop will be good, it's the other two that are just blah. But I have to take them. I really just want to fast forward and have it be spring semester which means exciting final book making class, and the end of grad school! That I'm excited about (both the class and the end). Maybe I'll feel better after I actually go to my classes and get setteled. We''ll see. I am certainly not looking forward to my super long, work + 2 classes on Wednesdays. I won't get home until 11:30ish!
Ok, that is all.
PS: If you were wondering just how wild my hormones are, here's an example. John went to buy rope for a clothesline and brought me home a brownie (because he knew I wanted chocolate, to attempt to feel better). Anyway, he comes home, gives me this brownie, and I burst into tears. Happy, I'm so glad he cares, tears, but tears.
Imagine what I'll be like when I have kids!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
School Already?!
I cannot believe school is starting next week! Before the Outer Banks trip, I was completely ready to go back. I was going to have my one final awesome vacation, then get back into the groove this week, get all my stuff ready, and be set to go. But this whole cyst thing has really messed everything up. I didn't really get my nice vacation and this week has been a roller coaster so I really haven't done the preparing I needed to do. Though, I did manage to pay all my bills today!
I just feel like this whole summer was not easy to get through. June I spent decompressing after a really long and busy semester. After Colorado I was revived and ready to go. But then I had my back problems start up, as well as everything with Mom. And many divorce things plus a sick grandmother. Then August came around and I really felt like I was becoming myself again. We were really busy though, so it was all kind of a blur. Then this happened. Plus my aunt just had another preemie. The summer was just a whirlwind, in so many ways.
It's a long weekend though. We don't have any plans, but I am determined to have at least some fun. It may take some doing to keep my stomach calm, my back from aching, and my mood in check, but it must be done.
I just feel like this whole summer was not easy to get through. June I spent decompressing after a really long and busy semester. After Colorado I was revived and ready to go. But then I had my back problems start up, as well as everything with Mom. And many divorce things plus a sick grandmother. Then August came around and I really felt like I was becoming myself again. We were really busy though, so it was all kind of a blur. Then this happened. Plus my aunt just had another preemie. The summer was just a whirlwind, in so many ways.
It's a long weekend though. We don't have any plans, but I am determined to have at least some fun. It may take some doing to keep my stomach calm, my back from aching, and my mood in check, but it must be done.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The Hospital Story
Ok, here it is for people who don't already know.
The vacation was going great. We went to the beach on Monday and the waves were really small. Which meant I actually spent a good deal of time in the water. Waves + Messa usually = badness. So I try not to really swim in the ocean much. So Monday was great. Tuesday we played putt-putt and I actually didn't do too bad. This was surprising. We also went out to dinner and did some other random driving around/seeing things. And of course there was some beer and Wii.
Well Wednesday it was cloudy but not raining so we went back to the beach. No one got in the water as it was way too cold (John at least tested it for us). So everyone was just lounging. We brought the grill, so we made some burgers. Well, I wasn't feeling very well. But it was just kind of icky and I thought I had pulled a muscle or something. Then my back starting hurting. But I still ate and stuff so I figured it was nothing bad.
By 7:00 we were home, I had taken a nap, and I couldn't move. I called Mom in tears and she said to go to the ER. Well, I was really stubborn and still thought I had just slept funny or pulled something. Since everything, back and abdomen, hurt, I didn't think it was my appendix or anything. That would have been more localized.
John came down at 11 and I was still trying to sleep. I must have dozed off a bit because I woke up at midnight with a high fever, vomiting, and almost passed out a few times. Of course as soon as he could get me out the door, John was taking me to the emergency room.
But we didn't know where the hospital was. Yay GPS! Well, the ER was not really fun. I had blood work and stuff. And they did get me started on pain meds asap, but I was still sick to my stomach and the meds only did so much. And I didn't sleep at first because I had to go get a CT scan. Had to wait 90 minutes after I drank the contrast for that. Then I was so worried about having to have surgery that I couldn't sleep while waiting on the doctor to read the scan.
Turns out I had a cyst on my ovary that ruptured. I was sent home with a lot of pain meds and told to rest. Which I did.
The rest of my trip was pretty much spent in bed. I did venture out to the beach on Friday. John had to help me walk and all I did was sit in a chair. Pain meds were needed so I was sleepy the entire time. And Sunday we wandered around some but I had to walk really slow and rest a lot and take pills. It took a lot out of me.
I'm doing pretty good now. The pain is almost all gone. I'm still really weak but I think that's going away. I'm kind of insane though. I'll start crying for no reason and I'm having hot flashes. Stupid hormones! I really thought I had a fever before, but no...I'm just out of control. It's not fun. And I actually had the on-call doctor tell me I'm just depressed and should see a shrink. Um, or I have a hormone imbalance that caused an abnormal cyst and is now causing PMS systems times 100. Whatever doctor lady.
I see my doctor on Tues of next week. We'll probably go back to birth control and try to not have this happen again. Of course, my family has a history of not so fun cysts. My aunt had them for years-really painful ones, and my other aunt had some condition that can cause infertility, and my great-grandmother had ovarian cancers...so here's to hoping this was just a fluke and doesn't become a chronic problem.
The vacation was going great. We went to the beach on Monday and the waves were really small. Which meant I actually spent a good deal of time in the water. Waves + Messa usually = badness. So I try not to really swim in the ocean much. So Monday was great. Tuesday we played putt-putt and I actually didn't do too bad. This was surprising. We also went out to dinner and did some other random driving around/seeing things. And of course there was some beer and Wii.
Well Wednesday it was cloudy but not raining so we went back to the beach. No one got in the water as it was way too cold (John at least tested it for us). So everyone was just lounging. We brought the grill, so we made some burgers. Well, I wasn't feeling very well. But it was just kind of icky and I thought I had pulled a muscle or something. Then my back starting hurting. But I still ate and stuff so I figured it was nothing bad.
By 7:00 we were home, I had taken a nap, and I couldn't move. I called Mom in tears and she said to go to the ER. Well, I was really stubborn and still thought I had just slept funny or pulled something. Since everything, back and abdomen, hurt, I didn't think it was my appendix or anything. That would have been more localized.
John came down at 11 and I was still trying to sleep. I must have dozed off a bit because I woke up at midnight with a high fever, vomiting, and almost passed out a few times. Of course as soon as he could get me out the door, John was taking me to the emergency room.
But we didn't know where the hospital was. Yay GPS! Well, the ER was not really fun. I had blood work and stuff. And they did get me started on pain meds asap, but I was still sick to my stomach and the meds only did so much. And I didn't sleep at first because I had to go get a CT scan. Had to wait 90 minutes after I drank the contrast for that. Then I was so worried about having to have surgery that I couldn't sleep while waiting on the doctor to read the scan.
Turns out I had a cyst on my ovary that ruptured. I was sent home with a lot of pain meds and told to rest. Which I did.
The rest of my trip was pretty much spent in bed. I did venture out to the beach on Friday. John had to help me walk and all I did was sit in a chair. Pain meds were needed so I was sleepy the entire time. And Sunday we wandered around some but I had to walk really slow and rest a lot and take pills. It took a lot out of me.
I'm doing pretty good now. The pain is almost all gone. I'm still really weak but I think that's going away. I'm kind of insane though. I'll start crying for no reason and I'm having hot flashes. Stupid hormones! I really thought I had a fever before, but no...I'm just out of control. It's not fun. And I actually had the on-call doctor tell me I'm just depressed and should see a shrink. Um, or I have a hormone imbalance that caused an abnormal cyst and is now causing PMS systems times 100. Whatever doctor lady.
I see my doctor on Tues of next week. We'll probably go back to birth control and try to not have this happen again. Of course, my family has a history of not so fun cysts. My aunt had them for years-really painful ones, and my other aunt had some condition that can cause infertility, and my great-grandmother had ovarian cancers...so here's to hoping this was just a fluke and doesn't become a chronic problem.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Outer Banks Hospital
I'm tired and need to go lie down with more pain killers, so for now this is all you get about my vacation:
Although the Outer Banks Hospital is very nice, I don't really want to go back there.
While lying on the beach high on pain killers is an experience, I'd much rather not be on pain killers and have the strength to get in the water.
Although the Outer Banks Hospital is very nice, I don't really want to go back there.
While lying on the beach high on pain killers is an experience, I'd much rather not be on pain killers and have the strength to get in the water.
Friday, August 15, 2008
On our way to North Carolina!
Tonight-Jared and Shelly's wedding.
Tomorrow-finish packing, Seismic BBQ, down to John's parents to pick up the truck
Sunday-up early to meet the rest of the crew
Then it's off to the Outer Banks, NC for the week. Hooray for the beach!
Tomorrow-finish packing, Seismic BBQ, down to John's parents to pick up the truck
Sunday-up early to meet the rest of the crew
Then it's off to the Outer Banks, NC for the week. Hooray for the beach!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Influential Secerts
Elaine did this because of something she saw on Post Secret. So I thought I'd give it a try. It was a bit hard to come up with 20 people though. Apparently it takes a lot for me to be influenced.
Go ahead, guess who they are!
The PostSecret Challange:
Tell 20 influential others what they mean to you. Don't use names or identifiers, be honest, and write what comes to your heart.
1. You taught me the the best conversations happen while walking around town late at night. I miss all the stupid things we used to talk about. And the deep things too. I sometimes wonder how we went from that to nothing. I just hope you're happy.
2. Most days I think of how easy it was to be your friend, to find things we had in common. I'll always remember those few months when we were best friends, because we both needed one another. But sometimes, seeing the real you makes me wonder how much of it was true.
3. I don't think I will ever forgive you but I don't dwell on your mistakes anymore.
4. We should have just had sex.
5. This has to be short or I'll go on forever, because it's you. I don't think I could live without you. You understand everything about me, which is freaky, and awesome. You're the reason I believe in forever. I always know if things don't work out the way I plan, you'll be there to help me start a commune.
6. I can't begin to explain how much I love you. I don't even have to question if it's forever.
7. There have been things that have made it impossible to ever really trust you. But I think you see a lot of truth in me that I don't always understand.
8. You've made me angry enough to wish death upon another. I hate you for that most of all.
9. You're the strongest woman I know. Even if I don't always agree with you, I'll always love and support you.
10. You are a fantastic young woman. You think I taught you a lot, but you helped me learn as well. And I can't even begin to tell you how much I wish we could still see each other every day.
11. We've grown up together and that's given you all kinds of insights into my soul. And that's never scared me, even though it might with others. You're so talented and beautiful. I know we'll grow old together.
12. You go from being so easy to talk to then to impossible more than anyone else I know.
13. You should have told me earlier I was meant to be a writer. I know you knew it all along.
14. I know you'll beat up any guy that breaks my heart.
15. You were always the father figure we needed growing up. I always feel protected around you.
16. I want everyone else to understand what a great person you are.
17. I will never understand your political views and you'll probably always drive me a little bit crazy. I sometimes think it'd be easier to just cut you out of my life. But we both know that will never happen. I know you will always be there to take care of me, even if I try to fuck it up.
18. I don't think I've done enough to protect you, or that I can ever show you how much I love you.
19. I could almost cry when I think about not inviting you to my wedding, but I know I could not handle the family drama that would cause.
20. I'll never understand why you didn't fight harder.
Go ahead, guess who they are!
The PostSecret Challange:
Tell 20 influential others what they mean to you. Don't use names or identifiers, be honest, and write what comes to your heart.
1. You taught me the the best conversations happen while walking around town late at night. I miss all the stupid things we used to talk about. And the deep things too. I sometimes wonder how we went from that to nothing. I just hope you're happy.
2. Most days I think of how easy it was to be your friend, to find things we had in common. I'll always remember those few months when we were best friends, because we both needed one another. But sometimes, seeing the real you makes me wonder how much of it was true.
3. I don't think I will ever forgive you but I don't dwell on your mistakes anymore.
4. We should have just had sex.
5. This has to be short or I'll go on forever, because it's you. I don't think I could live without you. You understand everything about me, which is freaky, and awesome. You're the reason I believe in forever. I always know if things don't work out the way I plan, you'll be there to help me start a commune.
6. I can't begin to explain how much I love you. I don't even have to question if it's forever.
7. There have been things that have made it impossible to ever really trust you. But I think you see a lot of truth in me that I don't always understand.
8. You've made me angry enough to wish death upon another. I hate you for that most of all.
9. You're the strongest woman I know. Even if I don't always agree with you, I'll always love and support you.
10. You are a fantastic young woman. You think I taught you a lot, but you helped me learn as well. And I can't even begin to tell you how much I wish we could still see each other every day.
11. We've grown up together and that's given you all kinds of insights into my soul. And that's never scared me, even though it might with others. You're so talented and beautiful. I know we'll grow old together.
12. You go from being so easy to talk to then to impossible more than anyone else I know.
13. You should have told me earlier I was meant to be a writer. I know you knew it all along.
14. I know you'll beat up any guy that breaks my heart.
15. You were always the father figure we needed growing up. I always feel protected around you.
16. I want everyone else to understand what a great person you are.
17. I will never understand your political views and you'll probably always drive me a little bit crazy. I sometimes think it'd be easier to just cut you out of my life. But we both know that will never happen. I know you will always be there to take care of me, even if I try to fuck it up.
18. I don't think I've done enough to protect you, or that I can ever show you how much I love you.
19. I could almost cry when I think about not inviting you to my wedding, but I know I could not handle the family drama that would cause.
20. I'll never understand why you didn't fight harder.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Julie's Visit
Julie's gone and it's a sad day in Pasadena. But we had a great time exploring Maryland together. Here's a photo summary:
Thursday-pick up and dinner at DuClaws. Julie's introduction to Misfit Red, the best beer in Maryland.
Friday-A lot of driving around Baltimore, seeing people in costumes going to/from the Anime convention. Lunch by UB so she could see the place. Then a trip to Poe's grave where we learned about all the Irish merchants who helped make the city great.
Saturday: A trip to the wineries of Maryland. We chose to go to the Frederick Wine Trail as it was fairly close (only an hour away). We actually only went to two of the six wines on the trail, but I'm sure I'll go back to the others another day. We started with Elk Run where I bought a bottle of their Riesling. Then it was down the road to Loew Vineyards where I got the Country Classic and a bottle of the Blueberry for Julie and I to share. I had to stop myself from getting the raspberry as well. It would indeed be fantastic with chocolate. I think Loew was the better of the two. A more friendly tasting, and more wines I liked.
That night we went to see Mama Mia and then enjoyed our Blueberry wine.
Sunday: We went down to Annapolis. Walked around and saw boats. Ate ice cream. Forced Julie to eat crab dip and crab cakes. She's not a seafood fan, but she tried them both. Yay! As we were walking to the car there was a downpour complete with hail. And we made the mistake of taking 50 home, even though we knew better, and got stuck in the traffic from the Bay Bridge accident. But we only had 1.2 miles to go, so it wasn't too terrible.
Julie liked this sign in Annapolis. And it's fitting as we had to say goodbye last night. Sad :(
Thursday-pick up and dinner at DuClaws. Julie's introduction to Misfit Red, the best beer in Maryland.
Friday-A lot of driving around Baltimore, seeing people in costumes going to/from the Anime convention. Lunch by UB so she could see the place. Then a trip to Poe's grave where we learned about all the Irish merchants who helped make the city great.
Saturday: A trip to the wineries of Maryland. We chose to go to the Frederick Wine Trail as it was fairly close (only an hour away). We actually only went to two of the six wines on the trail, but I'm sure I'll go back to the others another day. We started with Elk Run where I bought a bottle of their Riesling. Then it was down the road to Loew Vineyards where I got the Country Classic and a bottle of the Blueberry for Julie and I to share. I had to stop myself from getting the raspberry as well. It would indeed be fantastic with chocolate. I think Loew was the better of the two. A more friendly tasting, and more wines I liked.
That night we went to see Mama Mia and then enjoyed our Blueberry wine.
Sunday: We went down to Annapolis. Walked around and saw boats. Ate ice cream. Forced Julie to eat crab dip and crab cakes. She's not a seafood fan, but she tried them both. Yay! As we were walking to the car there was a downpour complete with hail. And we made the mistake of taking 50 home, even though we knew better, and got stuck in the traffic from the Bay Bridge accident. But we only had 1.2 miles to go, so it wasn't too terrible.
Julie liked this sign in Annapolis. And it's fitting as we had to say goodbye last night. Sad :(
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Julie's Here!
Well, in Maryland. She'll be here, as in my house, in a few hours.
For those that don't know, Julie's my best friend. We've known each other since kindergarten. And in the two years I've lived here, she has never visited.
We have no plans yet. I need to figure out the very best of Maryland to show her.
Yippie for Julie!
For those that don't know, Julie's my best friend. We've known each other since kindergarten. And in the two years I've lived here, she has never visited.
We have no plans yet. I need to figure out the very best of Maryland to show her.
Yippie for Julie!
Monday, August 4, 2008
I must confess
I get an odd pleasure out of seeing ugly babies. You may say, "oh Melissa there are no ugly babies," but there are. There really are. They're still cute. I will say that. But they're ugly too. Or funny looking. And I love it.
It must be like John's love of ugly dogs. He loves the big dumb looking ones. Dogs you just can't help but love. They're so ugly they're cute. You can't blame them. Just like you can't blame a baby for being ugly.
Really, this pleasure only comes when people I don't really like have ugly babies. I think if someone I like had an ugly baby I would just feel sad. But that's never happened, so I haven't had to face that. Nope, all the ugly babies in my life are people I was never too fond of. And I guess it just makes me feel good that some self-centered people got stuck with ugly babies.
I know, it's a horrible thing to admit!
If it makes it any better, I do always hope that the babies will grow out of their awkward baby stage and just be really cute kids. I don't wish life-long ugliness on anyone.
Now, karma tends to bite me in the ass a lot. So, knowing that we do have some weird genes in our family, I will probably end up giving all the bad ones to my children. Then I'll be the one with all these ugly babies. And all the people who don't like me will laugh.
It must be like John's love of ugly dogs. He loves the big dumb looking ones. Dogs you just can't help but love. They're so ugly they're cute. You can't blame them. Just like you can't blame a baby for being ugly.
Really, this pleasure only comes when people I don't really like have ugly babies. I think if someone I like had an ugly baby I would just feel sad. But that's never happened, so I haven't had to face that. Nope, all the ugly babies in my life are people I was never too fond of. And I guess it just makes me feel good that some self-centered people got stuck with ugly babies.
I know, it's a horrible thing to admit!
If it makes it any better, I do always hope that the babies will grow out of their awkward baby stage and just be really cute kids. I don't wish life-long ugliness on anyone.
Now, karma tends to bite me in the ass a lot. So, knowing that we do have some weird genes in our family, I will probably end up giving all the bad ones to my children. Then I'll be the one with all these ugly babies. And all the people who don't like me will laugh.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Random Lines
Tonight I am writing random lines in my head that don't seem to be formulating themselves into poems. Probably because my head is just foggy today. To many jello shots last night, I think. So I figured I'd better at least get some of them down, in the hopes that they might become poems later.
Can you not pluck an orange
blossom from the tree
branch and turn it
into nectar?
the brush
of lavender against warm
skin
the cool slip
of a newborn
kitten’s tongue
grapefruit juice on an open wound
Will you forget the breeze,
sulfur and pine across skin
Do you not realize that your kiss
gentle,
moist,
on my hipbone
makes me feel the way milk must
as it drops
and swirls into a mug of earl gray
Can you not pluck an orange
blossom from the tree
branch and turn it
into nectar?
the brush
of lavender against warm
skin
the cool slip
of a newborn
kitten’s tongue
grapefruit juice on an open wound
Will you forget the breeze,
sulfur and pine across skin
Do you not realize that your kiss
gentle,
moist,
on my hipbone
makes me feel the way milk must
as it drops
and swirls into a mug of earl gray
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