This is a clip from "Rent," one of my favorite musicals. Once, this song fit me perfectly. I was the "crazy liberal" of the family who stood up for what she believed in and cared about living life to its fullest. A friend and I even sung part of this song in a bar once. Crazy times.
In the movie, Mark gets a job and ends up feeling he sold out because he's not focused on his art anymore. Recently, I have been feeling the same way. I am so busy with school and work that I do not have the time or energy to be firey like I used to be. Not that I have lost my ability to stand up for what I believe in, it's just different.And I do still have my writing, because of school, but it is a very different thing to write and to write for school. I'm certainly not dancing on the bars screaming for tolerance anymore. And not staying up until 3am working on a novel.
I have come to realize that its probably good that my life has changed. I can't be a wild college student forever. I'm glad that I've grown up and all that. But still, there's a difference between being responsible and losing part of yourself. I don't think people see this fire in me very often anymore, and that's just sad.
Anyway, just enjoy the clip!
1 comment:
Well, having only relatively recently met you, I can say that at least losing that part of yourself hasn't made you a horrible person or anything. And it sounds to me like you haven't actually lost that part of you. You've just lost the time and energy in which to express it. I don't think that fire's really gone from you. I feel that you are a pretty laid-back person, but I think that comes from the fact that you are very sure of yourself. This is probably both symptom and cause of being so opinionated and firey. When you talk about certain things, I can see passion simmering in you with what you're saying and how you're saying it. You don't have to shout from the rooftops or scream on bars to have passion or to be firey. Sometimes there are other, better ways.
And as for your writing, just think about this. School won't last forever. You will still have to work, but school will end. And then you will get that big chunk of time and energy back. It'll be glorious. Then you'll be able to focus on your own writing. And maybe you'll be able to recapture some of what you feel you've lost.
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