One of those moods

I have been in a terrible mood recently. I don't know if it's stress, not getting out enough, or the changes in the moon. Today it could be the gloomyness outside. Whatever it is, it needs to go away. Cause I need to get things done now, and the mood is not making productivity easy. Here's a short recap of things on my mind:

I cannot turn 39 pages into 10 pages without magic (work problem).

People who are 24 should not have a pain management doctor. I felt out of place in the waiting room.

What do you get a brother when he graduates college? Or 8th grade? Why am I worried about this already?

I think nothing could make me happier right now than being at Busch Stadium with my family (and John).

I think my strawberries will survive! They didn't look so good at first, but they are doing better.

I am so very happy with my manuscript now. (and so is Kendra!) If only design came as easy as editing.

You should probably not try talking into my left ear. It's kind of fuzzy. Thanks Bouncing Souls. Good show, but I do like to hear!

I need to explore rivers. But I don't know which ones to go to/which ones are nearby/which ones have convenient parks to explore in so I don't have to be wandering around the road like some crazy lady. Aside from Patapsco, which I have explored greatly already.

I have no idea how to design a book cover. I pulled a large pile of books off my shelf for inspiration and just got discouraged.

John is going to San Fransisco for a week in June. It's a work thing. (why don't I get to go to CA for work?!) I am freaking out about being alone for a week. Completely freaking out.

I don't think my grandparents are coming to my reading in May. I could be overreacting to this, as I have not been told they aren't coming. This just comes from adding things up. I am so hurt by this that I can't see how I could forgive them.

This thing with the grandparents has made me think that a lot of people don't really understand what this means to me. Nor do they know how to communicate. A simple email saying "congrats on the book, send me one, sorry I can't be in bmore" is really not that hard.

Mother's Day is the Sunday after my book reading. Which means mom will probably still be here! Will we perhaps be having a Melissa's Mom meet John's Mom (and dad) lunch? Stay tuned.

Plant Mother

Well, before I get to plants, can I just say I hate doctors? I knew what I was getting into today, but still, I'm frustrated. I had to go to my orthopedic doc for a referral to a spine specialist. I couldn't just come in and get a referral, I actually had to see my doc. So I waited an hour, yes a full 60 minutes, before the man made it to my room. Then he basically reviewed my chart, made me touch my toes, and asked me two questions. Then he signed my referral and sent me on my way. I think the visit itself took 5 minutes. But I had to wait that stupid hour. grr.

Anyway, on a happier note, I have plants! And I'm feeling very motherly towards them. This in a way is freaky, because I have some edible things growing. And will be eating my "babies" eventually. But anyway. I got strawberry, blueberry, and blackberry plants. Lily bulbs, and various other seeds (herbs and some flower). I think I may have to bring them back inside if it gets cold again next week (which, with my luck it will) but for now they are happily starting their new life on my deck. Will have to figure out where to put them all when they outgrow their pots. I'm so excited to have plants again!

Oh and we just bottled John's first batch of bees. So we'll be having cilantro and beer soon!

Snow Day

It's the beginning of March and it snowed. Geez. As glad as I was by the day off work and the beautiful site out the back door, I am certainly ready for spring.

Trashed Titles

This has been more difficult than working with InDesign. It's just wrong. I may have lost some sleep last night over not having a title I love.

Here's a list of titles I will NOT be using for my book.

Scalded Oatmeal with New Milk
To Understand Water
Where the Water Scalds
Sometimes You Just Have to Go Through the Yard
Old Spice and Kitchen Knives
Marriage: a Timeline
The Open Hole in the Fence
Milk Swirls in Black Tea
An Ocean of Teeth
Cocoons in a Mulberry Bush
A Leather Whip On My Heart
A Slide to the Ocean
One Chocolate Pudding Cup
Algae Growing on a Jagged Rock
Two Sailboats that Cannot Dance
The Only Way Out
Between Naked Birch Trees
The Figure of a Man

I give up for a few days.

Today's Thoughts

My book is never going to have a title. Nothing is right. And I was just told to search for words or phrases from poems to find something. Isn't that what I've been doing?! Yeah. Not helpful advice. Hopefully Kendra will have something better to say. I kind of like one from my list, but I really don't know how that's going to translate to a concept.

People should listen when coworkers offer their opinions. If person A is way more knowledgeable about a subject, person B should probably go with what person A says. Instead person B will probably just pick something cause she likes it. So annoying.

I am really upset about something and think I'm being irrational.

Apparently you can chew or brew (in a tea) morning glory seeds, then ingest, and get high. They did this in the 60s. It made a comeback in teens in the last few years. My cousin decided to try it. I'd like to slap some sense into that kid.

If I go to Evan's graduation I will probably have to sit down and eat a meal at the same table as my step-father. Who I haven't seen since I moved to Baltimore. I will probably end up vomiting if I try this.

Unless said step-father ends up going somewhere (read, I'm not telling where yet, but I do know the specific location) before said graduation. I kind of feel bad for hoping he does go. But I shouldn't.

I don't know if I can watch the next season of Top Chef. They have obviously gone mad at judge's table. Hosea, you did not deserve to win. Carla and Stefan, WTF?!

I will not be naming my dog Chili-Chili Taco, no matter what my dreams tell me to do.

Maine or Massachusetts?

I wanted to go somewhere spectacular after graduation. I wanted to treat myself to a great vacation, one I probably wouldn't go on except to celebrate something great. I have since decided it will not be as exuberant as I had imagined. But I still want to take a nice vacation sometime. We'll probably go to the Outer Banks again in August, but I want to go somewhere in July. Am I being spoiled by two vacations every summer? Maybe. But if I can continue to work a part-time job where I am not limited by my vacation days, I'm going to do it.

Anyway, today I am thinking I want to go to Maine. I always figured if I went all the way to Maine I would explore that area of Canada as well. But maybe not. Maine sounds great. It was always one of those places that was just so far away. It's a little closer now. Acadia, perhaps. Has a nice ring to it. They have mountains in Maine, or so I've been told.

Or maybe Massachusetts. I've always wanted to go. That might even include a trip to... a city. Yes I said it. I might actually take a vacation that involves a city. So unlike me. But it's Boston. One needs to go to Boston sometime, right?

Maybe the answer is to road trip and hit both. Though that is probably too much. I'd rather lounge around one place for a week.

Overwhelmed, Again

So May is going to be insane. First, my reading is May 8th. So I'll have family and friends in town (I hope). I'm kind of worried about who will and will not be coming. And that sometime before then I should probably let my grandparents know that John and I live together.

Also in May brother #2 is graduating college and brother #3 is graduating 8th grade (which, in private school is a big deal). Luckily both of these things are close together (Sat and Tues of the same week) so if I go home for them, I can just make the one trip. Problem- My graduation is that Weds. So I would have to fly back from STL Wednesday morning and pray there are no delays so I can make it back. Or just not go to my graduation at all.

Of course while in STL, I want to go to the Ren Faire and a Cardinals game. Which just may be possible, looking at the schedules, but that makes quite a crazy trip. Perhaps just a Cardinals game is in order.

I should probably give myself another month before really getting worked up over this, but with so much going on, I really wish I could just get some plans settled.

Fire!

Last night a house down the street caught fire. We were awakened at 3:30 this morning by massive amounts of sirens and flashing lights. There were at least 3 fire trucks and a few other emergency vehicles. We watched from our bedroom window.

At first we weren't sure there was a fire. Then we saw spiderman on the roof of the building. This is at least how my half-dream-state self remembers it. Actually it was just a fireman climbing a ladder that was against the house. There was also a lot of visible smoke coming from the top of the house.

Storm trooper firefighters were all around our neighborhood. As they left they truck down the street for the house on fire, they looked like astronauts coming off a ship after a long journey. Like at the end of Armageddon.

This is especially scary since we live in townhomes. In our subdivision there are like 6 rows of homes. I just recently told my mom this is why we don't have a fireplace. "One mistake and the whole block's gone" I said. Luckily the burning house last night was not attached to us. But it was still scary.

Sometime during the "rescue" they planted a firetruck right in front of our house. This was where all communications occurred. We could hear parts of the back and forth going on on the radios inside the truck/attached to the men. This made it impossible to fall asleep. We could hear bits of information like "side C4, that's Charlie 4, clear". Other things were just a jumble of radio static, since we were inside, and on the third floor. I missed important info like if anyone was trapped inside or if fire fighters collapsed dramatically in the street after I had returned to my bed.

This all caused me to miss about 2 hours of sleep. 3:30-5:30am. This did not prove well for my attitude today.

I currently have no idea what really happened. How it started, etc. There's nothing in the news! This lack of information is making me upset. The houses are still standing and look to just have damage on the top floor, in the back. Who knows what the insides look like. I have chosen to blame someone smoking in bed, because this makes it all their fault and less scary since I don't smoke.

PS: John has lost all faith in the "interwebs," specifically ebay. All blame is currently on the Chinese. Especially one named Zhang. He just had a bad experience and wants everyone to know that you can't trust the system. Hope he gets his money back

Yikes.

I just had a momentary panic attack about my book. Thinking I should make certain people custom copies.

Because I really don't want my grandparents reading a poem with the word SEX in it!

Or an ex reading a 87% fictionalized poem about him and thinking that's how I really felt.

Woe is me.

Valentine's Recap

Woke up to lilies by the bed Friday morning. John said "I didn't think I should keep them in the closet until tomorrow."





Saturday we went to stay at a historic inn that's just over an hour away. I wanted to be out of the house, so as not to be drawn away from romance by my manuscript. So we stayed at the Tidewater Inn, across the bay in Easton, MD. A very cute small town.



Had a horse-drawn carriage ride around the town. Very fun. Our horse was perfect and so adorable. I wanted to hug him, but I couldn't reach him, he was so tall!

We had a mixed experience with dinner. The hostess was rude, our waiter was MIA for most of the meal, and my steak was burnt on the outside but raw on the inside. I was ready to go all Top Chef judge on them. But as I said, we had no waiter so I couldn't even complain. Luckily John's food was great as was the rest of mine, and desert was divine (three flavors of creme brulee). Plus we just had a great time talking, making fun of other couples, etc, so the meal was still worth it. But they will be getting a phone call from me tomorrow!

Watched all the romantic comedies on TV that night, which was a lot.

Came home on Sunday and just chilled. Since John couldn't find chocolate covered strawberries he bought the stuff to make them. Which we did together that night. So fantastic!